Waffle and Spaghetti

Relationships are hard ~ Period. There is nothing easy about having and maintaining a relationship. I thought I was fairly versed in this area when in reality, I was clueless. My thoughts were ~ if he loved me, he would... change, make me happy, etc. but that's not how life works. The simple truth is once the newness or infatuation wears off, that's when the work begins. 

Over the years I've read my fair share of books about the differences, similarities between men, women and their relationships.  For whatever reason, I just couldn't relate or incorporate the book's logic into my life. It wasn't until I stumbled on the book... Men are like Waffles; Women are like Spaghetti that it really clicked. 

Men are like waffles ~ they tend to operate in waffle squares ~ meaning they will typically do one thing or have one thought process at a time before moving to the next. I took this analogy, applied it to my hubby, and it fit almost to a tee ~ or should I say waffle 🧇 

Women are like spaghetti ~ we tend to have many things going on at one time ~ most likely as we are making breakfast, thinking of lunch, dinner, kids, pets, parents and yes, this analogy fits me very well 𐩘

This is where the simple analogy came together for me. I'm not saying it happened overnight and all was better in the morning, but it did give me a place to begin working on my relationship/marriage. I didn't immediately start talking with my husband about the waffle-spaghetti analogy. I began my research on both of us. I knew we were opposites yet similar in many ways, but I felt I still needed a better understanding of us as a couple and the whole waffle - spaghetti analogy in general.

I started with myself. I looked in the mirror, saw some things I liked, saw some things I wasn't fond of and those were the hardest ones to come to terms with. It wasn't easy to admit that I needed to make some change, especially if I'm the only one holding me accountable for my actions. So, in parallel I began working on myself as well as paying attention to my spaghetti ways and how they interacted with the waffle square ~ possibly causing a bump in our daily lives.

One day my husband commented ~ how can he think about dinner when he hasn't even eaten lunch. That was the perfect opportunity for me to start sharing the waffle and spaghetti analogy with him. It took him a bit but the more we talked, and he thought about it, (in his waffle square) he began to understand the analogy. Remember I mentioned how hard it was for me to acknowledge that I needed to make some changes, well it was no different for my husband, maybe even harder. I give him credit because he is trying and that is all I can ask for.

The first thing that grabbed our attention was how I would answer his questions. 

Example: 

    Hubby ~ Did you water the plants?

    Me ~ I watered the orchids, desert rose, ferns, gardenia but not the basil, oregano or cilantro. My new answer would be ~ everything but the herbs.

It's not that my answers are wrong ~ they are just spaghetti answers. I look at a piece of spaghetti as a lengthy answer then I look at the waffle square and ask myself ~ how can I get my spaghetti answer into that waffle square question.  

Another revelation for me and eventually my husband was the difference between hearing and listening. I hear my husband and he hears me, but are either one of us really listening to what the other is saying?  Now I am more conscious of my spaghetti ways and my husband in his waffle square, that I think about how best to communicate with him, so he listens to me or vice versa. Outside of us having a general conversation, I'll ask him, can we talk for a moment, and he'll stop what he's doing and listen. He too is getting better at not assuming just because he's talking that I'm listening, he'll ask ~ can you stop for a bit. Next, we're going to work on him talking to me when we're not in the same room ~ if you can't see me, I can't hear you 😊

These are just a couple of the changes we have made on our waffle - spaghetti journey and little by little we are both becoming more aware of how best to inter-mingle our differences and similarities. I like to think of us as a ~ relationship in communication. 💕

                                                    Peace & Love