Forgiveness
Lately I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness and what it means to me.
Forgiveness ~ a simple, yet complex word that is so difficult to act upon.
Forgiveness ~ is mysterious, puzzling, and difficult to understand.
Forgiveness ~ can be a double-edge sword.
Forgiveness ~ doesn't mean excusing, making up or forgetting.
Forgiveness ~ can bring peace and hope.
Deep hurt, betrayal, physical, emotional, pain, hurt feelings, or misunderstandings can lead to lasting feelings of resentment, bitterness, anger, or hatred.
There are some things that I haven't found a way to forgive. I don't dwell on them, but I know they are there even though I think I've moved on ~ maybe I can't move on because I haven't forgiven them. I do understand that by not forgiving them I may be making them somewhat important because I think of them (consciously or subconsciously), and forgiving could likely change that and maybe they wouldn't come to mind but that's on me because I haven't gotten there ~ yet.
Overall, I try to see the reasoning in forgiving someone or myself. If I hold onto that pain/anger ~ I may be the one who suffers the most. Forgiveness doesn't mean I'm excusing or forgetting what happened, I don't even have to make up with that person ~ unless it's me I'm forgiving 😉 Sometimes it’s forgiving myself for thinking it’s my fault when in reality it’s not. For me, forgiving helps me to find an inner peace and allows me to focus on myself.
When I think about forgiveness, I think of my parents and how they were able to forgive me for all my childhood and teenage antics. Heck, now that they have passed, I'm trying to forgive myself for those antics. But it's not that easy for if it was, I wouldn't lie in bed some nights and replay those moments over and over again 😊
I remember getting mad at my (younger) brother but never to the point where I needed to forgive him. It wasn't until I needed help with our parents, and he wasn't there to help that I go angry with him. He always had some lame excuse. After our parents passed away, I forgave him. Not so much because I felt he deserved to be forgiven, but because I felt I deserved some inner peace. What neither he nor I knew at the time was the fact that he was dying of brain cancer and the lame excuses were actually symptoms that he was ignoring. Again, I find myself trying to forgive myself for what I did not know, but I'm having a harder time forgiving my brother for ignoring his symptoms and leaving me too soon. 💔
I've heard that it is easier to forgive someone else than it is to forgive ourselves or a friend and I do believe that. When someone offends or insults me, depending on what it is, I find myself thinking that's okay, I forgive and let it go ~ they’re not my friend anyway. Yet when it comes to a friend or me, I tend to dwell on it much longer and have a harder time forgiving a friend or myself even though I know I should. I believe that is because of the love we I have for my friend or myself, it hurts more therefore it’s harder to forgive. It’s a feeling of ~ how could they, I instead of ~ they’re not my friend anyway. To me it’s as if the hurt makes little holes in my heart and forgiveness is the thread that holds them together ~ making them stronger.
Dolly Parton once said..." I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb ~ and I also know I'm not blonde." While I am blonde and far from dumb, I do like the thought concept behind this saying. When contemplating forgiveness, it helps to put things in perspective and ask myself ~ will it matter in 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 weeks, is it worth my attention and time. They say with age comes wisdom and I'd like to think that's true, but I think with age comes the inability to remember that I'm supposed to be mad and unforgiving 😊
Peace & Love